I've been going back and forth on blogging about everyday ramblings. My blog wouldve generally been about my babies and how I love whatever they are doing at that moment and how I couldnt imagine life without them...You get the point.

Well, my life has now become that reality. I am living life without my precious babygirl, my Emalee. Something I thought would've never been possible, life ending, I am living through it. It is definately anything BUT easy. Its chaotic, I dont know how I feel from one minute to the next. To say it never crossed my mind in the beginning to end all this pain, I would be lying. This is something that no text book can help. Nothing will comfort you except God. Words are nice to hear and are encouraging and uplifting but your still faced every second of the day living life without 1/2 your heart. I miss Emalee so much and I still cannot comprehend it all. I cannot fathom that I lost my little girl. I cant believe shes really gone. Every night before I go to bed I pray that God will wake me up from this nightmare by having Emalee yell at me that shes hungry or wants attention. Oh how I miss that little yell.

I have no clue what life has instore for me or how it will all play out. Right now I am living my life one second at a time. The pain literally hurts, its not the kind of numbing pain, its more like torcher. I have my days where I can hold it all in and especially infront of people, but you best believe when Im alone, able to think, I am bawling.

Welcome to my life of trying to find my new normal!

Where heartbreak meets a new kind of happy.